Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
