I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drunk is not a location!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
