If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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