He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
