so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
