First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
