i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
