remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize