Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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