so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
