If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
