hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
