i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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