just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my being single is dangerous.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
