I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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