so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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