I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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