smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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