All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
