yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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