the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
