She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
