new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
