I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
