I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
