Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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