Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
