Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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