this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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