Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
