Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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