guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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