I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
