I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
