If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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