Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
