Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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