Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
