I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize