Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
