her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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