Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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