Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
