My liver just broke up with me...
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
