And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So many bounce houses so little time
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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