Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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