his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
