I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
