bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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