I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
