Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
