I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
