She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
