I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
