I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
