so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
