Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
