We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
