If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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