Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
