If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
