i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
