Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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