He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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