how can u be prego again
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
