i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
