I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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