So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
