And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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